obsessive compulsive disorder, as defined by Merriam-Webster, means: an anxiety disorder characterized by recurrent obsessions or compulsions or both that cause significant distress, are time-consuming or interfere with normal daily functioning, and are recognized by the individual affected as excessive or unreasonable
I don’t see it in myself until there’s someone else watching me
I fold the bed perfectly, except the right corner that I fold down like a dog ear
All of my papers and documents have this fold too and I should be able to explain it
But I’ve always done it and stopping now wouldn’t make sense
Besides, I like it that way
If I don’t fold the corners down then it’s all I can think about until I fold it into a perfect triangle at the top of the page
Nobody really points it out anymore, and I forget that I’m doing it, until another person watches me as I leaf through an entire presentation packet, folding each corner down leisurely
I am fully aware of their searing eyes but I can’t really stop myself
My girlfriend tells me that there are other things that I’ve never noticed too
Like placing my knives at an angle while eating, on the right side of the plate, like a folded corner
I fold my towels in triangles as well, which I knew but didn’t know, if that makes any sense at all
She asks me if I like triangles a lot and I do, it’s my favorite shape, and it always has been, but I couldn’t grasp what that had to do with anything
Then she pointed out other places where I put triangles
Like when I cut my sandwiches into triangles and take the right corner piece and lay it on top of the bottom left piece while I’m eating
And how arranged my living room in such a way that the right corner visible from the couch is empty
I don’t know why it’s such a big deal to everyone else, even if I can see the pattern that they’re showing me
But it gives me comfort in a way that I can’t even begin to explain and if I were to do it any other way, I can’t imagine how I’d live
It may seem silly to everyone else but to me? It’s perfect.
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