HYPOCHONDRIA
Hypochondriacs squander large sums of time in search of nostrums [medicine] by which they vainly hope they may get more time to squander. -Mortimer Collins
I am sweating. It is cold. I am warm. My heart hurts. My hands are shaking. I’m not sure if I can feel my fingers and toes. Is my heart racing?
I check my temperature. Twice. It says I’m just fine, but I’m freezing. I put on more sweaters and check my temperature three more times. It went up. I must be developing a fever.
My legs are shaking now. I think my fingers are blue now. That’s crazy, so I go to a different room to check them under a different light. They don’t look so blue now. I think I’m okay.
But I’m feeling colder than ever now. I check my temperature again. Now it’s plummeting. Why isn’t my body consistent? It’s so confusing.
I am still sweating despite how cold I am. My heart is racing, now, and I’m positive my limbs are turning bluish-grey. I can’t pretend that I’m okay anymore. I have to call the doctor.
They ask me all of the questions. Do you have a fever? Are you having chest pain? Are you having abdominal pain? With each question they ask, the more I realize that all of these things are hurting. It makes it impossible to breathe and I pass out before the end of the call.
I wake up in my bed. My neighbor heard me hit against the wall, I guess, and my door was unlocked. He called the landlord who called my brother, who called me other brother, who called my dad. They call came to check on me. My head wasn’t bleeding, so they didn’t think I needed to go to the hospital. The mere thought that they weren’t worried made me worry.
Before I begin hyperventilating over their poor judgment, my dad changes the topic, asking me about taking time off work and doing a family vacation. My brothers are nodding and talking about how perfect it sounds. This calms me down a lot and I really like the idea. I tell my dad that it would be amazing.
I ask him to send me the dates, after I say, “I need to check with my doctor to make sure I can travel before we make any big plans, though.”
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