D.I.D.
DISSOCIATIVE. IDENTITY. DISORDER.
Did you think the lion was sleeping because he didn’t roar? -Friedrich Schiller
One.
I am the same when I wake every morning.
I am aware of myself because I leave a list next to my bed.
I am careful to use the right words so that I don’t start off in the wrong mind.
I am me when I wake up every morning.
Two.
I don’t know who “me” is but I remember my favorite breakfast is waffles.
I don’t go into certain rooms because those aren’t for me-me, because “me” leaves notes.
I don’t actually know if it is “me” or one of the others but I know I can’t go in those rooms.
I don’t know why I don’t try.
I don’t remember if I’ve ever tried.
I don’t think I care to try.
I don’t think so.
I don’t.
Three.
They want me to go to work and that’s the only thing they want me to do.
They want me to know that it’s because I’m the most stable one in the group.
They want me to understand that it’s for the survival of us all and not just me.
They want me to be honest if I’m exhausted but I don’t understand what that means.
They want me to look it up, the word exhausted, but I figure it isn’t important to me.
They want me to lock the door when I leave and unlock the door when I come back.
They want me to leave the keys on the floor, there’s always four notes telling me so.
They want me to go to work and that’s the only thing I want to do too.
Four.
We never talk face-to-face, like in videos, as some others like us have done.
We never leave room for errors, either, because we don’t want to fight for our time.
We never let things go unplanned so that nobody gets confused about who we are.
We never tell the strangers we bring home about the collection of us living in here.
We never lie to ourselves about how complicated this life is and,
We never let anyone come between us.
Five.
She doesn’t remember her trauma in stages one through four, but the mentor does.
She doesn’t know how many times someone died for her, but the mentor can’t forget.
She doesn’t listen to the alarms getting louder throughout the day, but the mentor listens.
She doesn’t recognize the reason she is broken into five pieces, but the mentor knows.
She doesn’t ever ask why, though, because she’s okay this way, that’s what she says.
But the mentor is forever asking ‘why,’ and considers me blessed.
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