Everyone has a friendship or relationship where they have to put way more into it than what they get out of it. Whether it’s a friend, a co-worker, or a family member – you can probably think of something right this instance who doesn’t give 100% effort to the relationship. These types of problems can often be boiled down to communication issues – expectations versus reality or wants and needs of each person. Regardless, this is something I’ve experienced a lot and witness with others more times than I can count on my fingers and toes – so it felt like a crime not to include this as the final Mental Health Awareness Poetry Initiative poem of the month. I hope that if you didn’t participate yourself that you were impacted, moved, or seen through my work this year. I can’t wait to do it again next year!
In defense of me:
I was there for you at every beck and call, even when you didn’t know you sent for me, and I supported every endeavor you dared to tackle regardless of your ability to be successful; I was the warrior you couldn’t stand up and be during the waging wars in your head, becoming your mind and body and soul during the greatest weaknesses of your life, and I did not ask for anything from you; I did these things because I wanted to help you and loved you as I loved myself; I acted the way I would want someone to act for me.
In defense of you:
You never asked me to be there or do these things, and you certainly didn’t appreciate the brutal honesty you didn’t even hint to me that you wanted; You didn’t need me to be strong for you because you’d learned how to overcome these matters in the past and could manage to do it again, besides it’s not like you don’t have a huge network of supports already spider-webbed across the country available at your fingertips; You don’t need a savior or another parent or another friend, even, because there’s nothing about me that you actually need because you can do it all on your own – you’ve said so plenty of times; You don’t need anything from me and you don’t want it either which is why you ignore me most of the time.
In defense of us:
We should’ve been perfect because we had so much in common, bordering on too much, but it never seemed to be a barrier before now; We didn’t used to take anything personally and asked questions if something was weirded awkwardly or we felt hurt and that’s the kind of things that dreams are made of – do people even do that anymore; We still needed so much to heal and we complimented each other in just as many ways as were were exactly the same so it should’ve been a walk in the park; We always knew what the other needed and when it was needed; It used to be a two-way street with us.
In defense of letting go:
When it comes to phrases and reflections, that’s all I can see for us now because there’s no future; We can’t keep grasping at the falling-off strings of something we don’t have anymore because it disappeared in the night when we weren’t looking and we don’t even know where to grab anymore; We are “used to” and “should have been” people now with nothing more to seek because what we need no longer can be attained from each other; We are “back then” people with new personalities that don’t make sense together anymore; We keep trying to make our puzzle pieces fit back together again like making a picture together will mend our broken parts and make things as good as new; There is no such thing for us moving forward because we’re already gone; We didn’t say good-bye but I wonder if we need to at all; It was said a long time ago.
In defense of me:
I acknowledge all of things I am and am not and that I wish I could be, but that doesn’t ever seem to suffice; I went above and beyond anything any friend would ever do in my current state which should’ve resulted in one of two things but there was a third unspoken outcome that I should’ve seen coming; It always ends like this and I know what to do when the final chapter comes closing in to shut another book on the shelf of stories that have become my life; I never wanted to be the hero of your story not matter what you might’ve thought of me – the only thing I ever wanted to be was the companion; I don’t think I ever will be.
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