hallucination, as defined by Merriam-Webster, means: the perception of objects with no reality using arising from a disorder of the nervous system or in response to drugs
There’s nothing wrong with me, I don’t think, but I can’t explain why I see this clock everywhere I go
And it’s not just any old clock – it’s the first digital clock I had as a kid – and it’s counting down, which is strange
My psychiatrist keeps asking me what I think it means
Am I waiting for a special event? Is there an important date coming up?
Do I have an appointment when the timer is supposed to end?
He isn’t asking me whether or not I’m running out of time for something
And if we can’t figure it out before the clock stops how am I supposed to do my daily tasks – like walking the dog to get the paper and picking up trash from the backyard –
Those are the only things my mom will let me do outside of the house besides these appointments these days –
My psychiatrist said that it’s so that I can keep an eye on the clock
But I don’t want to know what’s going to happen – I only have 40 more hours before I see what it’s counting down – and I’d rather be distracted by something else
I don’t win that argument, though, because of an incident that I can’t remember
“When you have episodes, you forget,” he reminds me, “and we want to keep you safe”
But they won’t tell me what happened so I don’t even know if I can trust them
The only thing I can trust is this clock that keeps following me everywhere I go
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