GRIEF GROUP TRANSCRIPT
SESSION 9
DATE: 11/03/2014
TIME: 06:35 P.M.
TOTAL IN ATTENDANCE:
13 ATTENDEES, 16 REGISTERED FOR ATTENDANCE
DURATION OF MEETING:
60 MINUTES OUT OF THE MINIMUM 60 MINUTES REQUIRED
*BEGIN*
DR KUVAAR:
SHOULD I ASK ABOUT YOUR HALLOWEEN WEEKEND, OR WOULD I RATHER NOT KNOW?
PATIENT 1002:
THE HALPIN DORM PARTY WAS AMAZING. CAROLINE WON THE GIFT CARD.
PATIENT 621:
WHICH IS AWESOME.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
HE WAS REALLY JEALOUS BUT I TOLD HIM WE’RE GOING TO FANCY DINNER RIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING.
PATIENT 621:
WE CAN GO TO A FANCY DINNER WHENEVER WE WANT, BUT IF YOU WANT TO WAIT UNTIL THANKSGIVING, THAT’S FINE.
PATIENT 506:
WELL, THAT’S FABULOUS. CONGRATS, CAROLINE.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
THANK YOU, I THINK.
DR KUVAAR:
ANYONE ELSE FEELING UP TO SHARING?
PATIENT 1108:
EMERY ASKED ME TO GO HAND OUT CANDY AT HER GRANDMA’S HOUSE. IT WAS REALLY WEIRD PASSING CANDY OUT AT A DEAD LADY’S HOUSE, BUT HER MOM IS SAVING IT FOR EMERY I GUESS. IT’S A BUSY NEIGHBORHOOD AND SHE DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT ALONE. NO SURPRISE THERE, RIGHT? SO I CANCELLED MY PLANS AND SPENT THE NIGHT PASSING OUT CANDY WITH HER.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
IT WAS SUPER NICE. I DIDN’T THINK HE WOULD COME, BUT I WAS GLAD HE DID. HAVING COMPANY WAS NICE. I HAVEN’T BEEN TO MY GRANDMA’S HOUSE BY MYSELF YET.
DR KUVAAR:
I AM IMPRESSED, KELLER. THAT WAS REALLY KIND OF YOU TO JOIN EMERY FOR HALLOWEEN NIGHT, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAD OTHER PLANS. I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
EMERY IS TOO STRAIGHT EDGED TO BE DOING ANYTHING ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT BY HERSELF. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HOW NASTY TEENAGER TRICK-OR-TREATERS CAN BE? SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN TORN APART IF SHE WAS THERE ALONE.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
THANK YOU, KELLER.
PATIENT 822:
WE HAVE A BONFIRE AT MY COUSIN’S PLACE. NOT MANY PEOPLE CAME FROM WELLS, BUT I SPENT MY SUMMERS THERE SO I KNEW EVERYONE. IT WAS A NICE GIG AND WE HAD A LOAD OF FUN PLAYING GAMES AND SETTING OFF SOME FIREWORKS.
DR KUVAAR:
I DON’T USUALLY THINK OF HALLOWEEN AS A FIREWORK HOLIDAY, BUT IF YOU HAD FUN THEN I DOUBT ANYONE QUESTIONED IT.
PATIENT 811:
NOT THAT I DON’T LOVE TALKING ABOUT OUR HALLOWEEN WEEKEND, BUT I WANTED TO ASK A QUESTION. CAN WE SWITCH GEARS?
DR KUVAAR:
ABSOLUTELY. I DON’T THINK ANYONE WILL MIND.
VARIOUS PATIENTS CONFIRM AND AGREE WITH THE TRANSITION
DR KUVAAR:
SEE? WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION?
PATIENT 811:
MY GRANDMOTHER SPENT THE WEEKEND IN THE HOSPITAL AND SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE DOESN’T HAVE MUCH OF A REASON TO LIVE. MY MOM BROUGHT HER MY GRANDPA’S FAVORITE BLANKET FROM HOME BUT SHE WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. I FELT HELPLESS BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO COMFORT HER.
DR KUVAAR:
WELL, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU DIDN’T WANT TO BE COMFORTED ABOUT YOUR GRANDFATHER’S PASSING?
PATIENT 811:
I’VE NEVER TOLD PEOPLE TO STOP. IT DOESN’T ALWAYS HELP, BUT I NEVER PUSHED SOMEONE AWAY WHEN THEY WERE TRYING TO COMFORT ME.
DR KUVAAR:
UNFORTUNATELY, THERE’S NO RIGHT ANSWER THAT I CAN GIVE YOU. YOUR GRANDMOTHER HAS LOST SOMEONE THAT SHE CONSIDERED TO BE HER OTHER HALF, AND BEING IN THE HOSPITAL PROBABLY BRINGS BACK ALL THE PAIN OF LOSING HER HUSBAND. IT IS NOT UNCOMMON FOR PEOPLE TO TURN AWAY COMFORTS WHEN THEY ARE THAT UPSET.
PATIENT 811 (DANA):
I’M AFRAID THAT SHE’S GOING TO DIE. SHE FELL AND BROKE HER HIP WHEN SHE WAS TRYING TO CLEAN HER KITCHEN. NOW SHE HAS TO HAVE SURGERY AND ANYTHING NUMBER OF THINGS COULD GO WRONG.
DR KUVAAR:
HIP REPLACEMENT SURGERY IS A FAIRLY COMMON PROCEDURE IN PEOPLE THAT ARE HER AGE. HAS SHE HAD COMPLICATIONS IN THE PAST WITH OPERATIONS OR HER HEALTH?
PATIENT 811 (DANA):
NO.
DR KUVAAR:
HOW DID YOUR GRANDFATHER DIE?
PATIENT 811 (DANA):
HIS KIDNEYS WERE FAILING. HE WAS ON DIALYSIS FOR YEARS, SO THE WERE IN AND OUT OF HOSPITALS A LOT.
DR KUVAAR:
IS IT NOT POSSIBLE THAT SHE WAS STRUGGLING BEING IN THE HOSPITAL HERSELF?
PATIENT 811 (DANA):
I SUPPOSE. I GUESS I DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.
DR KUVAAR:
IN SOME WAYS, IT’S LIKE HAVING PTSD. SHE MUST HAVE TAKEN YOUR GRANDFATHER TO EVERY APPOINTMENT AND SPENT HOURS IN WAITING ROOMS. BEING BACK IN THE HOSPITAL REMINDS HER OF THE WAY THINGS TURNED OUT FOR HER HUSBAND. THERE’S AN INHERENT WORRY THAT IT WILL END THE SAME FOR HER.
PATIENT 811 (DANA):
I CAN SEE THAT NOW. I JUST WISH THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT I COULD DO TO HELP HER.
DR KUVAAR:
THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS TO RESPECT HER WISHES AND BE THERE WHEN SHE’S READY TO TALK.
PATIENT 621:
DID YOU GET TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOUR GRANDFATHER?
PATIENT 811 (DANA):
I DID NOT MAKE IT TO THE HOSPITAL IN TIME. MY GRANDMA CALLED EVERYONE WHEN THERE WAS A COMPLICATION, BUT I WAS AT SCHOOL SO I DIDN’T KNOW UNTIL MY MOM CAME TO GET ME.
PATIENT 621:
DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU KEEP TO REMIND YOU OF HIM?
PATIENT 811 (DANA):
I HAVE SOME OF HIS OLD FLANNELS AND A SKETCHBOOK HE KEPT THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE. HE LIKED TO SKETCH HIS FAVORITE THINGS WHENEVER HE TRAVELED.
PATIENT 506:
THAT’S AMAZING. WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO BRING HIS SKETCHES IN AND SHARE THEM?
PATIENT 811 (DANA):
I DON’T KNOW. I THINK I’D FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE PICTURES WITH MY PHONE AND SHARING THEM THAT WAY. THAT’S JUST A REALLY SPECIAL ITEM TO ME, AND I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO RISK SOMETHING HAPPENING TO IT IF I BRING IT WITH ME.
PATIENT 621:
I CARRY MY HOUSE KEYS.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
YOUR HOUSE KEYS?
PATIENT 621:
YEAH. MY PARENT’S HOUSE ISN’T TO BE SOLD UNTIL I GRADUATE AND ONLY IF I DON’T WANT TO LIVE THERE. I DON’T GO BACK OFTEN, BUT I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT. I CARRY THE KEYS AROUND IN CASE I EVER ACTUALLY DECIDE TO GO.
DR KUVAAR:
HOW OFTEN DO YOU GO BACK HOME AND SPEND TIME THERE?
PATIENT 621:
I’VE BEEN BACK TWO OR THREE TIMES, TO START A LOAD OF LAUNDRY AND UNPACK MY WINTER CLOTHES. THE ATTORNEY ALSO NEEDED ME TO GRAB THE MAIL A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO. I TRY TO BE THERE ARE LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.
DR KUVAAR:
SO WHY DO YOU THINK YOU KEEP CARRYING THE KEYS AROUND WITH YOU?
PATIENT 621:
BECAUSE THEY’RE ON MY KEY RING.
DR KUVAAR:
I THINK IT MIGHT BE A MEMENTO. DO YOU PLAN ON KEEPING THE HOUSE?
PATIENT 621:
IT’S A LARGE HOUSE. SEEMS SILLY TO KEEP LIVING THERE BY MYSELF.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
WHY AREN’T YOU LIVING AT HOME INSTEAD OF ON CAMPUS? IT COSTS A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY TO LIVE AT THE SCHOOL.
PATIENT 621:
MY PARENTS THOUGHT IT WAS AN IMPORTANT EXPERIENCE TO HAVE, AND I WAS HAPPY TO DEVELOP A SENSE OF SELF AWAY FROM HOME. WE NEVER CONSIDERED THE COST OF IT.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
MUST BE NICE.
PATIENT 822:
PREACH IT. I WORRY ABOUT EVERY SINGLE PENNY. I SELL ALL OF MY BOOKS THE SECOND I’M DONE WITH THEM AND BUY ALL OF MY BOOKS AS DIGITAL COPIES OR SECONDHAND WHEN I CAN. THE LESS I GET IN LOANS THE BETTER.
PATIENT 506:
I AM CONSTANTLY APPLYING FOR GRANTS AND SCHOLARSHIPS TO MINIMIZE MY DEBT. DO YOU KNOW HOW UNLIKELY IT IS FOR YOU TO GET PAID WHAT YOU’RE WORTH WHEN YOU FIRST GRADUATE? IT’S GOING TO BE STRUGGLE TO MAKE THOSE FIRST MONTHLY PAYMENTS.
PATIENT 621:
I RECOGNIZE MY PRIVILEGE INCOMING FROM A WEALTHY FAMILY. IF THERE WAS ANYTHING I COULD DO TO HELP ANY OF YOU, ANY STRINGS THAT I COULD PULL, PLEASE BELIEVE ME THAT I WOULD USE ANYTHING IN MY POWER TO MAKE IT EASIER.
PATIENT 822:
THE STUFF THAT’S WRONG WITH COLLEGE DEBTS IS FAR MORE THAN COMING FROM A PLACE OF PRIVILEGE. THERE’S ALL KINDS OF ECONOMIC BULLSHIT THAT CONTRIBUTES TO THE DISDAIN THAT MOST PEOPLE HAVE FOR THEIR COLLEGE EDUCATIONS NOW. I DON’T KNOW MANY PEOPLE THAT AREN’T WORRYING ABOUT HOW MANY JOBS THEY’RE GOING TO NEED TO PAY THEIR LOANS OFF BEFORE THEY DIE.
PATIENT 621:
THANK GOODNESS WE CAN VOTE IN THE NEXT ELECTION AND HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE. WE HAVE TO KEEP PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT THESE THINGS IN OFFICE.
DR KUVAAR:
THIS IS GOOD.
PATIENT 1002:
YOU’RE NOT WORRIED ABOUT THINGS GETTING TOO POLITICAL?
DR KUVAAR:
I THINK WE PRETTY WELL THROUGH THAT OUT THE WINDOW WHEN WE DISCUSSED RACISM AND PREJUDICE IN OUR SOCIETY. BESIDES, BEING FIRED UP TO VOTE AND USE YOUR VOICE TO DICTATE HOW YOUR GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE SHAPED IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALING. BEING INTERESTED IN VOTING MEANS THAT YOU’RE SEEING INTO THE FUTURE. HOW MANY OF YOU STILL LIVE DAY-TO-DAY WHILE TRYING TO ADJUST TO LIFE AFTER THE LOSS OF YOUR LOVED ONE?
VARIOUS PATIENTS CONFIRM WITH VOCAL RESPONSES AND RAISED HANDS TO THE PROPOSED QUESTION
DR KUVAAR:
WE’RE GOING TO GO AHEAD AND BREAK FOR SNACKS, AND WHILE YOU’RE EATING I WANT TO CHALLENGE YOU TO THINK ABOUT ONE OR TWO THINGS THAT YOU WANT TO DO NEXT MONTH OR NEXT YEAR. I DON’T WANT TO THINK TOO FAR IN THE FUTURE, BUT I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT THE UNKNOWN TOO – SOMETHING THAT CAN’T POSSIBLY BE PLANNED OUT YET.
** BRIEF UNSTRUCTURED BREAK FROM 7:05 – 7:15 **
DR KUVAAR:
I DON’T USUALLY RUN DOWN THE LINE, BUT I THINK WE CAN JUST START OVER HERE [GESTURES TO THE LEFT] AND RING IT AROUND BACK TO ME. IS EVERYONE FINE WITH THIS ARRANGEMENT?
ALL PATIENTS AGREE EITHER VERBALLY OR WITH HAND GESTURES IN THE AFFIRMATIVE
DR KUVAAR:
ALRIGHT, NATHANIEL, CAN YOU GET US STARTED THEN?
PATIENT 1002 (NATHANIEL):
I WANT TO START PLANNING WHERE I’M GOING TO GO AFTER GRADUATION. I HAVE SOME PLACES I WANT TO SEND MY RESUME OFF TO, BUT I NEED SOMETHING IN PLACE UNTIL I WOULD GET CALLBACKS. I THOUGHT ABOUT SOME FRIENDS THAT I WOULDN’T MIND ROOMING WITH AFTER COLLEGE UNTIL WE’RE ALL ON OUR FEET AND READY TO GO SEPARATE WAYS.
DR KUVAAR:
THAT’S GREAT. THIS IS ABOUT THE TIME IT ALL STARTS GETTING REAL, RIGHT? WHAT ABOUT YOU, NADIA?
PATIENT 808 (NADIA):
WELL, I’M NOT GRADUATING ON TIME BECAUSE I HAD TAKE SO MUCH TIME OFF WHEN MY SISTER DIED. THINGS ARE WORKING OUT NOW, BUT WE HAD TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH HER BABY GIRL. NOW WE ALL TAKE TURNS RAISING MARIA, BUT MY SUMMER PLANS ARE TO GET THE OFFICIAL ADOPTION FOR MARIA STARTED.
DR KUVAAR:
DID YOUR FAMILY DECIDE WHO WOULD RAISE HER?
PATIENT 808 (NADIA):
I’M GOING TO ADOPT HER BECAUSE I MY CURRENT EMPLOYER HAS A JOB WAITING FOR ME WHEN I FINISH MY NURSING DEGREE. IT’S NOT A PERFECT SCENARIO, BUT I’LL HAVE THE MOST RELIABLE AND STABLE LIVING SITUATION BY THE TIME THE ADOPTION IS DONE.
DR KUVAAR:
DO YOU THINK YOU’RE READY?
PATIENT 808 (NADIA):
I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T HATE THE IDEA, SO I’M GOING TO STICK WITH IT. THERE ARE WORSE WAYS TO BECOME A PARENT.
DR KUVAAR:
YOU’RE RIGHT.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
WELL, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT I AM PLANNING TO TAKE SOME PROGRAMMING CLASSES ONLINE OVER THE SUMMER.
DR KUVAAR:
THAT’S INTERESTING. WHAT ABOUT YOU, EMERY?
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
I WANT TO DO SOME FUN STUFF AROUND TOWN DURING OUR WINTER BREAK. LIKE LASER TAG AND ARCADES AND STUFF.
DR KUVAAR:
HOW FUN! BE SURE TO SHARE IF YOU FIND ANYTHING PLACE THAT’S PARTICULARLY FUN.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
I’M NEXT AND I’M JUST GOING TO GET OUT IN THE OPEN – I HAVEN’T CHOSEN A MAJOR YET, AND MY GOAL IS TO PICK ONE BY THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR. IDEALLY.
PATIENT 621:
ARE YOU SURE?
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, SANTIAGO. DON’T BE FOOLED. I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO GET IT FIGURED OUT.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
OK.
DR KUVAAR:
SANTIAGO, DO YOU HAVE PLANS FOR YOUR FUTURE, THEN?
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
I MEAN, I WANT TO GET ON A RESEARCH TEAM TO FIND A CURE FOR ALZHEIMER’S. THAT’S WHERE I FEEL MOST DRAWN. SHORTER TERM GALS ARE TO MAYBE TAKE A COOKING CLASS. I’M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO EXIST OFF OF PIZZA AND TACOS AND TACO PIZZAS FOREVER.
DR KUVAAR:
TRUE, YOU WILL NEED TO LEARN TO COOK ON YOUR OWN.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
NEXT?
PATIENT 401:
HANNAH AND I TALKED OVER THE WEEKEND WITH DR KUVAAR, AND I THINK WE’RE GOING TO REQUEST A ROOM REARRANGEMENT SO THAT HANNAH AND I CAN SHARE A DORM. SHE DOESN’T HAVE A SET RELEASE DATE, BUT IT’S SOMETHING WE HAVE BEEN THINKING WOULD BE GOOD FOR HER SINCE SHE WANTS TO COME BACK TO SCHOOL.
DR KUVAAR:
HANNAH SEEMED REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THE IDEA TOO.
PATIENT 401:
YEAH, SO THAT’S MY PLAN.
DR KUVAAR:
JARRON?
PATIENT 822:
I’M GOING TO BE WATCHING FOR RIOTS. I WANT TO USE MY LIFE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. I KNOW IT’S DANGEROUS GOING, BUT IT’S DANGEROUS HAVING THIS SKIN COLOR, SO I MAY AS WELL USE MY TIME TO HELP SAVE THE LIVES OF PEOPLE WHO WILL COME AFTER ME.
DR KUVAAR:
I UNDERSTAND. IT SCARES ME, BUT I UNDERSTAND.
PATIENT 506 (CASSIDY):
I’M GOING TO ASK MY FRIENDS WANT TO TAKE A ROAD TRIP FOR OUR SPRING BREAK. IT’S BEEN ON MY MIND FOR A LONG TIME, BUT THINGS ARE FINALLY FALL INTO PLACE FOR IT TO HAPPEN.
PATIENT 811 (DANA):
I WANT TO TRADE MY CAR IN AND GET A NEWER VEHICLE THAN THE GRANNY MOBILE I’VE BEEN DRIVING.
PATIENT 331:
ME TOO. I’VE BEEN HAVE CAR PROBLEMS SO I WANT TO REPLACE IT WITH SOMETHING MORE RELIABLE.
DR KUVAAR:
RILEY? DO YOU WANT TO SHARE TONIGHT?
PATIENT 209 (RILEY):
I COULDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING TONIGHT, BUT I’M REALLY TIRED.
PATIENT 717:
I HAVE PLANS BUT NOTHING THAT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT RIGHT NOW. I THOUGHT I WOULD BE OKAY WITH IT BUT I’M NOT READY YET. I’M SORRY.
DR KUVAAR:
THERE’S NOTHING TO BE SORRY FOR. SOMETIMES WE THINK WE WANT TO DO SOMETHING UNTIL IT’S TIME AND THEN WE CHANGE OUR MINDS. I RESPECT THAT. I’M PROUD THAT YOU WERE HONEST ABOUT IT.
PATIENT 717:
THANKS.
PATIENT 209 (RILEY):
YES, THANK YOU.
DR KUVAAR:
LET’S CALL IT QUITS RIGHT THERE. WE JUST HIT OUR SIXTY MINUTES ANYWAY, SO NEXT WEEK WE’LL TALK MORE ABOUT WHERE WE’RE AT IN THE GRIEVING PROCESS AND TALK ABOUT SOME OF THE WAYS THAT WE KNOW WE’RE IN THOSE STAGES. I’M ALWAYS AVAILABLE IF YOU NEED ME. I’LL ANSWER AT ANY HOUR. ALL I ASK, THOUGH, IS THAT YOU ARE KIND TO YOURSELVES.
* END *
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