GRIEF GROUP TRANSCRIPT
SESSION 4
DATE: 09/29/2014
TIME: 06:31 P.M.
TOTAL IN ATTENDANCE:
8 ATTENDEES, 16 REGISTERED FOR ATTENDANCE
DURATION OF MEETING:
60 MINUTES OUT OF THE MINIMUM 60 MINUTES REQUIRED
*BEGIN*
DR KUVAAR:
AS YOU HAVE NOTICED, WE ARE VERY LIGHT ON GUESTS TONIGHT. THERE’S A LOT HAPPENING. A FEW PEOPLE HAVE GROUP LABS TO DO, SOME OTHERS ARE SICK, AND A FEW MORE ARE AT THE CANCER BANQUET TONIGHT. SO I AM THANKFUL FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT COULD MAKE IT THIS EVENING. AFTER ALL, SMALLER GROUP CAN HAVE ITS BENEFITS.
PATIENT 1108:
SMALL GROUPS ONLY MAKE THE RANGE OF COMPLAINTS SMALL. IT’LL BE ALL NAGGING AND WHINING ACROSS THE SAME SAD SOULS.
DR KUVAAR:
I DON’T SEE IT AS COMPLAINING.
PATIENT 417:
IT’S FUNNY THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH COMPLAINING, KELLER. THAT IS LITERALLY ALL YOU EVER DO.
DR KUVAAR:
PERHAPS THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT TIME, BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. HOW WAS YOUR DINNER YESTERDAY?
PATIENT 1108:
COULDN’T HAVE GONE WORSE.
PATIENT 417:
KELLER INSULTED ME FOR AN HOUR STRAIGHT WHILE OUR ORDER GOT PASSED UP TWICE. IT WAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
WORSE THAN WHEN YOUR GRANDPA DIED? WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT.
DR KUVAAR:
YOU OWE EMERY AN APOLOGY. IMMEDIATELY.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
PLEASE. HE WOULDN’T APOLOGIZE FOR ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
NOPE. ESPECIALLY NOT TO YOU!
DR KUVAAR:
WHAT IS IT ABOUT EMERY THAT BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH THAT YOU SAY SUCH HURTFUL THINGS TO HER? YOU’VE NEVER EXPLAINED IT.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
EMERY IS THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO FOLLOWS EVERY SINGLE RULE.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
WHICH YOU HATE.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
SHE FOLLOWS EVERY DAMN RULE AND PUTS ON THAT SMILE OF HERS, ACTING LIKE SHE’S THE STRAIGHTEST RUNNING PERSON ON THE TRACK. BUT IN REALITY, SHE CRITICIZES EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING AND MAKES THE PEOPLE AROUND HER FEEL LIKE OUTSIDERS FOR BEING SOMETHING OTHER THAN…
[PAUSE]
DR KUVAAR:
OTHER THAN – WHAT?
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
OTHER THAN TEXTBOOK SADNESS? TEXTBOOK GOOD STUDENT? OTHER THAN BASICALLY ANYTHING SHE SEES FIT. THE THING ABOUT EMERY THAT SHE NEVER MENTIONS IS THAT SHE WAS A BULLY IN HIGH SCHOOL. PEOPLE THAT WERE HER VICTIMS CONSIDERED SUICIDE AND NEEDED EXTENSIVE THERAPY TO OVERCOME HER NEGATIVE IMPACT. SHE WROTE SEXUAL SLURS ABOUT PEOPLE ON THE BATHROOM WALLS, VANDALIZED OTHER PEOPLE’S CARS, AND CREATED FAKE ONLINE ACCOUNTS TO CATFISH PEOPLE INTO SHARING THEIR DEEPEST SECRETS SO THAT SHE COULD EXPLOIT THEM ON THE RUMOR MILL. SHE HAS A VERY EXTENSIVE BACKGROUND OF ABUSE.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
HOW DARE YOU.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I HIT THE JACKPOT WITH YOU WHEN WE PICKED PARTNERS. YOU HAD THIS AMAZING LAUGH AND A SMILE SO PRETTY THAT IT COULDN’T BE TRUE. I SHOULD’VE KNOWN THEN, BEFORE I EVER LOOKED YOU UP, BUT WHAT A DARK FILE I’VE PIECED TOGETHER ON YOU. NOTHING COMES IN A NICE PACKAGE THAT DOESN’T COME WITH PROBLEMS TOO.
DR KUVAAR:
KELLER – DID YOU DO A BACKGROUND CHECK ON EMERY?
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
HE DID ONE BETTER THAN THAT. WHEN KELLER ISN’T COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW MUCH HE HATES ME AND THINKS I’M THE WORST, HE’S GOING ON AND ON ABOUT HOW HE’S GOING TO BE THE WORLD’S GREATEST HACKER SOMEDAY. I FIGURED HE LOOKED ME UP.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
AND I STILL HAVE TABS ON YOU. JUST LAST NIGHT YOU CREATED A FAKE EMAIL TO JOIN A FORUM DEDICATED TO WHINING ABOUT STUPID PEOPLE YOU RUN INTO EVERY DAY. YOU WANT TO ACT LIKE THAT LIFE IS FAR AWAY AND IN THE PAST. YEAH, WELL, IN THE PAST, MY ASS.
DR KUVAAR:
KELLER, DO YOU ALWAYS LOOK UP THE PEOPLE YOU INTERACT WITH OR BEFRIEND? WHY DO YOU DO THAT?
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
DON’T YOU EVEN TRY TO LECTURE ME, DOC. I’VE LOOKED YOU UP TOO AND YOUR HISTORY ISN’T EXACTLY CLEAN EITHER. IT WAS HARDER TO FIND, BUT EVEN DOCTORS MAKE MISTAKES.
DR KUVAAR:
I’M NOT DEFINED BY MY PAST. THOUGH I MUST ADMIT, I AM SADDENED THAT YOU FEEL IT NECESSARY TO THREATEN ME. I AM HERE TO HELP YOU, AND EMERY IS DEDICATED TO HELPING YOU TOO.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE AWFUL TO ME ALL THE TIME.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
AND YOU’RE A NUISANCE TO THE WORLD.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
YOU CAN’T GO AROUND FINDING REASONS TO HATE EVERYONE. IT’S GOING TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
THEN WHY AREN’T YOU CRAZY YET? OR IS THIS WHAT CRAZY LOOKS LIKE – A WOMAN-CHILD THAT HATES HERSELF SO MUCH THAT SHE PRETENDS TO BE A CHANGED PERSON UNDER THE GUISE OF GRIEVING.
DR KUVAAR:
SHE HAS A POINT, KELLER. YOU CANNOT LOOK UP EVERYONE AND CRAFT A PICTURE OF WHO THEY ARE BASED ON WHO THEY WERE BEFORE – WE CAN ONLY LEARN ABOUT WHO THEY ARE NOW THROUGH SOCIAL INTERACTIONS. WHO THEY ARE TODAY MATTERS MORE THAN YESTERDAY.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME? SHE’S STILL GOING ABOUT BUSINESS AS USUAL. SHE’S NOT CHANGED.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
I CREATED A FAKE EMAIL SO THAT I COULD JOIN THAT FORUM AND CHALLENGE THE COMPLAINERS TO SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY. I KNOW THE DAMAGE OF WHAT I DID IN HIGH SCHOOL. I TALK TO THOSE PEOPLE EVERY WEEK AND HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND PEACE WITHIN MYSELF FOR THE DAMAGE I CAUSED. THAT’S WHY I’M TRYING TO BE HERE FOR YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME.
DR KUVAAR:
WHY DIDN’T YOU ASK HER ABOUT THE FAKE EMAIL?
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
I DON’T HAVE TO ASK HER BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT KIND OF PERSON SHE USED TO BE. PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
I HATED MYSELF IN HIGH SCHOOL. MY HAIR WAS TOO STRAIGHT, MY SKIN WAS TOO PINK, MY EYES TOO GRAY. I SPOKE TOO LOUD, TOO MUCH. DESPITE HAVING PEOPLE I THOUGHT WERE FRIENDS AROUND ME ALL THE TIME, BUT NONE OF THEM CONSIDERED ME A GOOD ENOUGH FRIEND TO INVITE TO BIRTHDAY PARTIES AND BONFIRES. I LASHED OUT AND TRIED TO RUIN EVERY PERSON THAT HAD IT BETTER THAN ME. AND I GOT MY CONSEQUENCES.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
A THREE-MONTH STINT IN A JUVENILE HALL AND A BREAK YEAR BEFORE COMING HERE, RIGHT? YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON AND TOOK EVERY ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASS THERE WAS AND IT MADE YOU BETTER? RIGHT?
DR KUVAAR:
KELLER, YOU ARE GOING TOO FAR. BESIDES THAT, YOU ARE NOT ANY DIFFERENT THAN SHE WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL BY BEHAVING IN THIS WAY.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
THERE’S NOTHING MORE THAT HE CAN SAY THAT WOULD HURT ME. I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE MADE MISTAKES.
DR KUVAAR:
REGARDLESS, I CANNOT ALLOW HIM TO CONTINUE IN THIS WAY. I EXPECT YOU TO SPEAK WITH ME PRIVATELY AFTER TONIGHT’S MEETING, KELLER, SO THAT WE CAN DISCUSS THE APPROPRIATE ACTIONS TO BE TAKEN.
PATIENT 331:
IF I MAY, I’D LIKE TO CHANGE TOPICS. I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHEN I SAY THAT THIS ARGUMENT IS GETTING UNCOMFORTABLE.
DR KUVAAR:
AS WOULD I. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DISCUSS TONIGHT?
PATIENT 331:
SO WE HAVE BEEN HERE FOR A MONTH. NOT EVERYONE HAS HAD A CHANCE TO REALLY CONTRIBUTE TO THE CONVERSATION. WHY DON’T YOU MAKE EVERYONE PARTICIPATE EVERY WEEK?
DR KUVAAR:
I USED TO TRY TO GET EVERYONE TO ANSWER A ‘FEELINGS’ QUESTION EVERY WEEK. THERE WAS A GENERAL FORMAT FOR THE MEETINGS THAT I WAS TRYING TO FOLLOW AND IT NEVER FELT ORGANIC, AND I DIDN’T BELIEVE THAT IT WAS HELPING ANYONE. SOME PEOPLE MAY HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TAKE SOMETHING AWAY FROM THOSE MEETINGS, OF COURSE, BUT I STEPPED AWAY FROM THAT APPROACH IN FAVOR OF A MORE CASUAL APPROACH. OVER TIME, IT BECAME CLEAR TO ME THAT PEOPLE NEED TO FIND THEIR VOICE AT THEIR OWN PACE. MAKING SOMEONE SHARE THEIR FEELINGS BEFORE THEY ARE READY ONLY ENHANCES THEIR WORRIES. AS A RESULT, MORE PEOPLE SEEM TO HEAL THROUGH THIS PROGRAM PROPERLY.
PATIENT 331:
DON’T YOU WORRY THAT PEOPLE WILL NEVER OPEN UP?
DR KUVAAR:
THAT IS A WORRY I OFTEN HAVE, BUT I ALSO HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT IT WON’T MATTER WHETHER I PRESS THEM OR NOT. PEOPLE WILL ONLY SHARE THEIR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WITH ME WHEN THEY ARE COMFORTABLE DOING SO, WHICH MEANS IT WON’T MATTER IF MAKE THEM PARTICIPATE IN THE CONVERSATION WEEK AFTER WEEK.
PATIENT 331:
I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE.
DR KUVAAR:
MAY I ASK WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO ASK?
PATIENT 331:
WELL, MY PARTNER ISN’T OPENING UP TO ME OUTSIDE OF GROUP EITHER. WE DON’T EAT DINNER IN PERSON BUT WE VIDEO CHAT DURING OUR NORMAL DINNERS A FEW TIMES A WEEK. NOTHING COMES UP, THOUGH. WE JUST SIT THERE EATING AND WATCHING TELEVISION QUIETLY. SOMETIMES WE TALK ABOUT WHAT WE’RE WATCHING.
DR KUVAAR:
THAT ARRANGEMENT SOUNDS GOOD, ACTUALLY. NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO OPEN UP IN AN OBVIOUS WAY. SOMETIMES JUST LETTING YOU BE A PART OF THE DAILY ROUTINE IS THE BEST WAY SOMEONE KNOWS HOW TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU HELPING.
PATIENT 331:
IT MAKES SENSE WHEN YOU EXPLAIN IT LIKE THAT, I GUESS, BUT I CAN’T HELP BUT WORRY.
DR KUVAAR:
IF YOU EVER FEEL THE NEED TO DISCUSS YOUR CONCERNS PRIVATELY, I AM ALWAYS AVAILABLE.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
THANKS FOR TELLING US AGAIN.
DR KUVAAR:
THANKS FOR LISTENING AGAIN, KELLER.
PATIENT 621:
I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE LAST WORDS I SAID TO MY PARENTS LATELY. I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID TO THEM LAST, LIKE, OUT LOUD.
DR KUVAAR:
HAS IT BEEN DISRUPTIVE TO YOUR EVERYDAY TASKS?
PATIENT 621:
NOT EXACTLY. I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT AND SOMETIMES IT SLOWS ME DOWN, BUT IT HASN’T STOPPED ME FROM DOING ANYTHING THAT I NORMALLY DO.
PATIENT 911:
I THINK MAYBE IT’S TIME FOR A BREAK. WE CAN UNPACK THIS ONE ANOTHER TIME.
DR KUVAAR:
I WOULD RATHER HOLD OUR SESSION UNTIL 7:20 AND THEN WE CAN HAVE OUR UNSTRUCTURED BREAK FOR THE LAST TEN MINUTES OF OUR MEETING. I DON’T WANT TO SEND EVERYONE OUT OF THE CIRCLE FOR TEN MINUTES ONLY BRING EVERYONE BACK AGAIN FOR FIVE TO TEN MINUTES.
PATIENT 911:
I JUST DON’T THINK WE NEED TO UNPACK THIS ONE, THEN.
PATIENT 621:
YOU’RE THE ONE WHO BROUGHT IT UP LAST WEEK.
DR KUVAAR:
LAST WORDS WITH A LOVED ONE CAN HAVE A MASSIVE IMPACT ON OUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH. IT IS IMPORTANT TO MAKE PEACE WITH OUR LAST WORDS, OR THE FACT THAT WE CANNOT REMEMBER THEM, SO THAT WE CAN REALLY FIND CLOSURE WITH THEIR PASSING. THINKING ABOUT LAST WORDS MEANS THAT YOU’RE MOVING OUT OF THE DENIAL STAGE, WHICH IS GOOD, EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT NOT FEEL THAT WAY.
PATIENT 621:
THE LAST THING I SAID TO MY PARENTS WAS IN A TEXT MESSAGE. IT WASN’T EVEN SOMETHING SPECIAL OR IMPORTANT. I WAS ASKING THEM IF THEY WANTED ME TO ORDER EXTRA PIZZA AND WINGS.
DR KUVAAR:
WHY DON’T YOU THINK OF THAT AS BEING SPECIAL?
PATIENT 621:
SHOULDN’T OUR LAST WORDS BE POWERFUL AND LOVING? WHAT IS LOVING ABOUT ASKING MY PARENTS IF THEY WANT ME TO HAVE EXTRA FOOD READY FOR THEM AT HOME?
DR KUVAAR:
I THINK THAT THOSE WORDS CAN SHOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVED THEM, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT IN THE RIGHT MINDSET.
PATIENT 621:
THE RIGHT MINDSET? THE WORDS DON’T CHANGE JUST BECAUSE MY EMOTIONS CHANGE.
DR KUVAAR:
WELL, WHY DID YOU ASK THEM ABOUT THE PIZZA AND WINGS?
PATIENT 621:
BECAUSE I ALWAYS ASK WHEN THEY GO TO WORK DINNERS. THEY HATE THE FOOD SO I OFFER TO HAVE SOMETHING WAITING FOR THEM WHEN I ORDER OUT.
DR KUVAAR:
AND WHY DO YOU DO THAT?
PATIENT 621:
THEY TAKE CARE – TOOK – CARE OF ME. I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING FOR THEM.
DR KUVAAR:
SO YOUR LAST WORDS TO THEM WERE IN THE FORM A TEXT TO SEE IF THEY WOULD LIKE YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR THEM OUT OF KINDNESS?
PATIENT 621:
I KNOW ALL OF THAT.
DR KUVAAR:
IF THAT IS NOT ENOUGH, WHAT WOULD BE?
PATIENT 621:
I DON’T KNOW.
DR KUVAAR:
THEN, IF I MAY, CAN I ASK WHY YOU ARE DISSATISFIED WITH THE LAST WORDS YOU SHARED WITH THEM?
PATIENT 621:
I JUST WANT TO SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ ONE MORE TIME.
DR KUVAAR:
YOU DON’T NEED THEM HEAR TO TELL THEM. SAYING ‘I LOVE YOU’ WILL NEVER BE YOUR LAST WORDS BECAUSE WE CONTINUE T SAYING THEM LONG AFTER THEY ARE GONE.
PATIENT 911:
THAT HELPS NONE.
PATIENT 621:
IT ACTUALLY DOES HELP, CAROLINE. REALLY.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
SOUNDS FAKE, BUT OK.
DR KUVAAR:
I THINK THAT THIS IS A GREAT PLACE TO GO AHEAD AND WRAP UP OUR MEETING FOR THE NIGHT. PLEASE STAY FOR TEN MINUTES FOR OUR UNSTRUCTURED BREAK AND TOUCH BASE WITH ME BEFORE YOU LEAVE FOR THE NIGHT. DOES THAT WORK FOR EVERYONE?
VARIOUS PATIENTS MURMUR IN AGREEMENT
CHAIRS SKID ACROSS THE FLOOR AS PATIENTS LEAVE THEIR SEATS
*END*
Time to move on to the next chapter —-> Let’s go!
Comments