GRIEF GROUP TRANSCRIPT
SESSION 11
DATE: 11/17/2014
TIME: 06:33 P.M.
TOTAL IN ATTENDANCE:
7 ATTENDEES, 14 REGISTERED FOR ATTENDANCE
DURATION OF MEETING:
65 MINUTES OUT OF THE MINIMUM 60 MINUTES REQUIRED
*BEGIN*
DR KUVAAR:
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THOSE OF YOU WHO CHOSE TO COME TONIGHT. I KNOW THAT NOT EVERYONE WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE IT BECAUSE THEY’VE GONE HOME FOR THANKSGIVING AND BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING WITH THEIR FAMILIES.
PATIENT 911:
TO BE FAIR, I’M WILLING TO BET THOSE OF US THAT REMAIN HAVE NOBODY TO GO SHOPPING WITH IT.
PATIENT 621:
YES, CAROLINE AND I ARE LEGAL ORPHANS.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
EXACTLY.
PATIENT 1108:
I’M NOT A LEGAL ORPHAN, BUT I’M AS GOOD AS ORPHANED.
PATIENT 417:
I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD COME TO OUR THANKSGIVING, KELLER. YOU DON’T HAVE FEEL LIKE AN ORPHAN.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I’M NOT GOING TO FEEL LIKE I BELONG SINCE I’LL BE THERE WITH YOUR FAMILY. HOW ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO EXPLAIN WHY I’M THERE?
PATIENT 417:
YOU ARE MY FRIEND. THAT’S ALL THEY WOULD CARE ABOUT. STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC.
DR KUVAAR:
PERHAPS KELLER ALREADY HAS PLANS FOR THANKSGIVING?
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
NOPE. I JUST DON’T WANT TO GO WITH HER.
PATIENT 417:
FINE.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
I AM WORKING THANKSGIVING NIGHT AT THE COFFEE SHOP. MY BOSS STARTED OPENING AT NINE AT NIGHT SO THAT PEOPLE CAN GRAB THEIR COFFEE WHILE THEY’RE SHOPPING THE SQUARE.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
I’M GOING TO TRY TO MAKE A COLLEGE DORM FEAST FOR MYSELF BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE LEFT BACK HOME. I’M GOING TO BE THE MICROWAVE MASTER CHEF.
PATIENT 822:
THAT SOUNDS BRILLIANT. I SHOULD HIT UP YOUR DORM FOR SOME SNACKS BEFORE I GO BACK HOME. MY MOMMA MAKES A MEAN HAM BUT A NASTY TURKEY.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
MY GRANDMA NEVER COULD GET THE HANG OF TURKEY EITHER.
DR KUVAAR: I’VE NEVER MADE TURKEY FOR THANKSGIVING. MY HUSBAND DID NOT PREFER IT.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
YOU HAVEN’T EVEN MADE TURKEY FOR YOURSELF SINCE HE DIED?
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
TURKEY FOR HERSELF? SHE PROBABLY JUST ORDERS OUT.
DR KUVAAR:
I GENERALLY JUST HAVE BEEF STROGANOFF WITH A BAKED POTATO AND WINE. EVEN WHEN MY HUSBAND WAS ALIVE, WE NEVER DID A LARGE DINNER.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
WELL, HE WAS A DOCTOR, WASN’T HE? SO HE PROBABLY WAS TOO TIRED FOR THE FANCY STUFF.
DR KUVAAR:
NEITHER OF US PREFERRED TO CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAYS IN BIG WAYS. WE VALUED ENJOYING OUR TIME TOGETHER THE WAYS THAT MADE US MOST HAPPY. HOLIDAY DINNERS AND VISITING FAMILY ON THE HOLIDAYS ADDED UNNECESSARY STRESS TO OUR LIVES.
PATIENT 822:
THAT’S THE WAY TO DO IT, DOC.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
WASN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A GRIEF GROUP MEETING?
DR KUVAAR:
SOMETIMES IT’S MORE POWERFUL TO LET THE CONVERSATION EVOLVE IN SUCH A WAY THAT WE LEARN FROM EACH OTHER RATHER THAN ME PUSHING A SPECIFIC TOPIC. BESIDES, HOLIDAYS HAVE A UNIQUE IMPACT ON OUR MINDS WITHOUT HAVING LOST A LOVE ONE. THINGS ARE GOING TO BE HARD IN DIFFERENT WAYS FOR EACH OF YOU, SO IT FEELS MORE HELPFUL FOR ME TO LET YOU OPEN UP IN WHATEVER WAY IS THE MOST NATURAL FOR YOU.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
I CAN’T DECIDE IF YOU’RE A GENIUS OR AN IDIOT.
PATIENT 921 (CAROLINE):
YOU CAN’T SAY THAT TO SOMEONE.
PATIENT 417:
HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT IS APPROPRIATE FOR CONVERSATION. I DON’T THINK IT’S BECAUSE HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND. I THINK HE JUST FORGETS THAT NOT EVERYONE IS MADE OF STONE.
DR KUVAAR:
PSYCHOLOGY, PSYCHIATRY, NEUROSCIENCE – THESE FIELDS ARE DIFFICULT BECAUSE WE ARE LEARNING ABOUT THE BRAIN ALL THE TIME. THINGS THAT WE THINK WE KNOW TO BE FACT CHANGE OR EVOLVE, AND SO WE MUST ALWAYS ADAPT IN MY LINE OF WORK. THERE ARE DAYS WHERE NEW STUDIES ARE RELEASED AND I AM FORCED TO QUESTION MY ENTIRE APPROACH AND ADJUST IT SO THAT I’M DOING THE RIGHT THING.
PATIENT 417:
IT’S LIKE THAT FOR MOST FIELDS OF WORK, REALLY. TECHNOLOGY IS ALWAYS GROWING AND CHANGING TOO. IT MAKES AN IMPACT ON EVERY JOB OUT THERE.
DR KUVAAR:
THAT IS TRUE. BUT LEARNING A PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY IS VERY DIFFERENT THAN TRYING TO HELP THE BRAIN HEAL. WHEN YOU’RE USING A COMPUTER, THERE’S GENERALLY AN ERROR MESSAGE WILL POP UP AND TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, BUT WITH A HUMAN THE MALFUNCTIONS, IF YOU WILL, HAVE TO BE INTERPRETED. AS MORE STUDIES COME OUT, THE THINGS WE USED TO KNOW TO BE TRUE GET ALTERED TO CHANGED.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
LIKE WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA. ANYTIME SOMEONE EXHIBITED MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES IT RESULTED IN A SCHIZOPHRENIA DIAGNOSIS. HOWEVER, NOW WE KNOW ABOUT BIPOLAR DISORDER, BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER, SYPHILLIS, AND A WHOLE NUMBER OF OTHER DISEASES AND DISORDERS THAT AFFECT THE MIND IN VERY SIMILAR WAYS.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
THAT WAS STRANGELY SUPPORTIVE OF YOU TO SAY.
DR KUVAAR:
INDEED.
PATIENT 209:
MY MOM WANTS ME TO COME HOME FOR THANKSGIVING BUT I’VE BEEN SCARED TO GO HOME AND BE AROUND ALL THE THINGS THAT REMIND ME OF MY FATHER.
DR KUVAAR:
HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO YOUR MOM ABOUT THIS?
PATIENT 209:
I HAVE TRIED TELLING HER THIS BUT IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE TO HER THAT I DON’T WANT TO COME BACK. SHE THINKS I AM BEING SELFISH.
DR KUVAAR:
I SEE. WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN IF YOU GO HOME?
PATIENT 209:
I’LL CRY THE WHOLE TIME. I’LL BE ANGRY AT EVERYONE FOR TALKING ABOUT MY DAD LIKE HE’S STILL AROUND. I’LL BE LONELY BECAUSE I USUALLY SPEND MY TIME WITH HIM AT FAMILY GET-TOGETHERS.
DR KUVAAR:
OKAY. AND WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN IF YOU STAY HERE?
PATIENT 209:
I WON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE. I CAN CATCH UP ON MY ASSIGNMENTS AND STUDY FOR MY FINALS. I CAN ENJOY THE DORM BEING EMPTY. I SHARE MY ROOM WITH THREE OTHER PEOPLE SO NOT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT WHO IS SHAMBLING IN AFTER A NIGHT OF PARTYING OR EVERYONE USING THE DISHES UP BEFORE I’VE HAD A CHANCE TO EAT.
DR KUVAAR:
WILL YOU REGRET NOT GOING HOME?
PATIENT 209:
I DON’T KNOW. PROBABLY NOT. THERE’S GOING TO BE OTHER HOLIDAYS AND MY DAD STILL WON’T BE AT ANY OF THEM BECAUSE HE’S DEAD, SO THERE’LL BE PLENTY OF OTHER CHANCES TO GO HOME AND BE MISERABLE.
DR KUVAAR:
THAT’S NOT NECESSARILY FALSE.
PATIENT 209:
I’M GETTING THIS VIBE THAT YOU WANT ME TO GO HOME FOR THANKSGIVING.
DR KUVAAR:
I JUST WANT YOU TO CONSIDER BOTH SCENARIOS COMPLETELY BEFORE YOU COMMIT TO STAYING OR GOING. DON’T JUST THINK ABOUT WHAT IS CONVENIENT TO YOU, BUT WHAT THE LONG TERM EFFECTS WILL BE ON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH OVERALL.
PATIENT 209:
ISN’T THAT BASICALLY THE SAME THING?
DR KUVAAR:
THE SAME THING AS – TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL OBLIGATED TO GO HOME FOR THE HOLIDAY?
PATIENT 209:
YEAH. IT’S BASICALLY THE SAME THING.
DR KUVAAR:
AM I USING THE SAME LANGUAGE AS YOUR MOTHER?
PATIENT 209:
NO, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO USE THE SAME LANGUAGE TO GET THE SAME OUTCOME. YOU’RE USING THIS REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY WHERE YOU MAKE ME THING THAT YOU WANT ME TO STAY OR THAT YOU WANT ME TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS BUT REALLY YOU WANT ME TO GO HOME AND BE WITH MY FAMILY.
DR KUVAAR:
I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU ARE FOR THE HOLIDAYS, CAL. I JUST WANT YOU TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. UNLIKE YOUR FAMILY, MY ONLY INVESTMENT IS IN YOU SO I WILL NOT BE CLOUDED BY MY OPINIONS. YOUR MOTHER WANTS YOU HOME BECAUSE SHE WANTS HER CHILD HOME AND CLOSE TO HER AT A TIME WHERE SHE’S GOING TO BE WEAK AND HURTING. SHE KNOWS IT’LL BE HARD FOR YOU TO COME HOME, BUT SHE’D STILL RATHER YOU BE THERE FOR HER OWN STABILITY. IS IT SELFISH? YES. IS IT WRONG? NOT NECESSARILY. SHE WANTS WHAT IS BEST FOR HER MENTAL HEALTH TOO. THE UNFORTUNATELY REALITY IS THAT YOU ARE GOING TO GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY FROM ONE ANOTHER AND YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS ARE GOING TO BE CONFLICTING.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
THAT’S A LITTLE HARSH, ANYA.
DR KUVAAR:
I CARE ABOUT EACH OF YOU VERY MUCH, BUT I WILL NOT BE ACCUSED TO INFLUENCING YOUR CHOICES BASED ON MY PERSONAL OPINIONS. I WILL ADMIT WHEN I HAVE A PERSONAL PREFERENCE, AS I DID WITH CASSIDY AND NATHANIEL’S PARTNERSHIP WHEN THEY WERE WITH US, BUT I DID NOT INFLUENCE THEM. I WILL NEVER ALLOW MY BIAS TO AFFECT MY CARE FOR YOU.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
AS A PROFESSIONAL SHOULD OPERATE.
PATIENT 822:
COME ON, GUYS. CAL HAS BEEN FIGHTING HIMSELF OVER THIS FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS NOW. HE WANTS TO WANT TO GO, YOU KNOW? HE HATES THAT HE WANTS TO STAY HERE INSTEAD OF BE AT HOME. HIS DAD DIED.
DR KUVAAR:
I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS MAY SEEM BRASH TO SAY THAT I DON’T CARE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, BUT PLEASE CONSIDER THAT I HAVE TO SEE HIM AFTERWARDS AND ASSESS HIS MENTAL HEALTH IN A GROUP SETTING. CAL DOESN’T GENERALLY TALK AT GROUP, AND IF HE CONTRIBUTES IT’S WHEN A QUESTION IS POSED TO THE GROUP. CAL, IF YOU GO HOME AND IT MESSES WITH YOUR HEALING AND SETS YOU BACK, I HAVE TO BE HERE TO HELP YOU. IF YOU STAY HOME, AND YOU’RE WORSE OFF BECAUSE YOU REGRET GOING, THEN I HAVE TO BE HERE. MY OBLIGATION IS TO YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, TO YOUR HEALING, AND TO YOU.
PATIENT 209 (CAL):
FINE. I GET IT. DO WHAT I WANT. WHATEVER.
PATIENT 822:
MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE A BREAK.
PATIENT 209 (CAL):
SOUNDS PERFECT.
DR KUVAAR:
ABSOLUTELY. THE SNACKS ARE OUT, PLEASE HELP YOURSELF. WE WILL COME BACK TOGETHER AT FIVE AFTER.
**UNSTRUCTURED BREAK FROM 6:55 TO 7:05**
DR KUVAAR:
IS THERE ANYONE ELSE WHO IS HESITANT ABOUT RETURNING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS? GABRIEL? WESLEY?
PATIENT 331 (GABRIEL):
WES AND I ARE ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING CALLED FRIENDSGIVING. WE’RE BOTH FROM WAY DOWNSTATE AND HAVE CLASSES WEDNESDAY MORNING. INSTEAD OF DRIVING DOWN WE’RE GOING TO SKYPE OUR FAMILIES BUT WERE GOING TO DO GET TOGETHER WITH A BUNCH OF KIDS FROM OUR HALL AND DO A CARRY IN SORT OF THING AND WATCH A MOVIE TOGETHER IN THE LOUNGE.
PATIENT 222 (WESLEY):
I AM REALLY PSYCHED FOR IT. GABRIEL IS BRINGING THESE BOMB BROWNIES THAT HIS MOM TAUGHT HIM TO MAKE. I’M GOING TO BRING HOT DOGS AND BUNS AND A FOREMAN GRILL.
DR KUVAAR:
I’VE SEEN THIS FRIENDSGIVING PRACTICE GOING AROUND, ESPECIALLY AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND I THINK IT IS BRILLIANT. I AM VERY EXCITED FOR YOU AND CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR HOW THAT GOES. DO EITHER OF YOU PLAN ON SHOPPING AFTERWARDS?
PATIENT 222 (WESLEY):
I MIGHT GO GRAB SOME CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR MY LITTLE SISTERS. I DON’T HAVE A TON OF CASH TO SPARE, BUT SINCE MY DAD LOST HIS JOB, THEY’VE BEEN REALLY TIGHT ON CASH. IF I CAN SQUEEZE SOME EXTRA PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE THEN I THINK IT WOULD TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF OF MY PARENT’S SHOULDERS.
DR KUVAAR:
THAT’S VERY KIND OF YOU.
PATIENT 222 (WESLEY):
I WANT TO BE THE KIND OF BROTHER THAT THEY CAN TRUST AND THAT THEY CAN COME TO, SO I GOTTA START SOMEWHERE, RIGHT?
DR KUVAAR:
THAT’S VERY TRUE.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
HOW OLD ARE YOUR SISTERS?
PATIENT 222 (WESLEY):
THEY’RE TWINS. THEY WILL TURN NINE IN JANUARY.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
WOW. THAT’S PRETTY YOUNG.
PATIENT 222 (WESLEY):
MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED WHEN I WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. MY PARENTS WERE HAVING A LOT OF PROBLEMS BECAUSE MY MOM WAS CHEATING ON HIM ALL THE TIME, BUT HE REFUSED TO DIVORCE HER OVER UNTIL HE KNOCKED UP MY STEPMOM. THEY’RE HAPPY AS CAN BE WITH EVERYTHING NOW, BUT IT WAS UNEXPECTED AND MESSY.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
THAT’S QUITE THE STORY.
PATIENT 222 (WESLEY):
IT IS. THANKFULLY MY PARENTS WERE BETTER FRIENDS THAN SPOUSES. THEY DID A GREAT JOB MAKING SURE MY LIFE WASN’T MESSED UP TOO BAD FROM EVERYTHING. THE THING THAT SUCKED THE MOST IS THAT MY MOM GOT INTO DRUGS A FEW YEARS BACK WHEN HER SISTER HAD A HEART ATTACK AND DIED. HER SISTER WAS HER BEST FRIEND AND ABOUT THE ONLY FAMILY SHE HAD LEFT, SO SHE WAS IN AND OUT OF REHAB PROGRAMS. EVERY TIME SHE LEFT SHE GOT WORSE AND EVENTUALLY OVERDOSED AT THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
WHY WAS SHE LET OUT OF THE REHAB PROGRAMS IF SHE CLEARLY WASN’T READY TO BE ON HER OWN?
PATIENT 222 (WESLEY):
WHEN I GET AN ANSWER, I SWEAR I’LL LET YOU KNOW. OUR HEALTHCARE SYSTEM ISN’T GREAT, EVEN IF IT IS IMPROVING, AND THERE’S JUST TOO MANY INSURANCE COMPANIES THAT DON’T SEE ADDICTION AS A MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
I KEEP READING ABOUT THAT ONLINE. OTHER COUNTRIES DON’T NECESSARILY JAIL DRUG ADDICTS, BUT ACTUALLY PUT THEM INTO GOVERNMENT RUN REHAB FACILITIES THAT HELP THEM GET ON THEIR FEET RATHER THAN PUNISHING THEM. THAT’S SO CRAZY TO THINK ABOUT HOW DIFFERENT IT IS IN OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD.
PATIENT 222 (WESLEY):
THAT’S A NARROW SCOPE, BUT IT’S NOT FAR OFF FROM REALITY. DRUG RELATED CRIMES AND DRUG ADDICTS ARE CRIMINALIZES VERY HARSHLY AND THE SYSTEM THAT WE HAVE LEAVES A LOT OF PEOPLE TO SUFFER RATHER THAN HELPING THEM GET BETTER. MY MOM NEVER HAD A CHANCE BECAUSE NOBODY WANTED TO DEAL WITH THE COST OF MAKING HER BETTER.
DR KUVAAR:
DRUG ADDITION IS A VERY DIFFICULT THING TO OVERCOME, AND A VERY DIFFICULT PROCESS TO WATCH. I CAN ONLY GUESS AT HOW FRUSTRATING IT MUST BE TO KNOW THAT YOU WERE DOING EVERYTHING YOU COULD DO, AND THAT PROFESSIONALS WERE DOING ALL THAT THEY COULD DO, BUT MONEY STOPPED HER FROM GETTING THE FULL TREATMENT AND SERVICE THAT SHE NEEDED.
PATIENT 222 (WESLEY):
IT SUCKS. IT SHOULD NEVER BE THAT I GET BETTER MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES FROM SOMEONE DYING FROM A DRUG OVERDOSE THAN THE PERSON WHO OVERDOSED. I WOULDN’T NEED THE GRIEF GROUP THERAPY IF SHE HADN’T GOTTEN THE FULL CARE THAT SHE DESERVED. I’VE STOPPED BEING SAD ABOUT IT. MOST DAYS I’M ABLE TO GET PAST HOW ANGRY I AM, BUT SOMETIMES I JUST GET FURIOUS ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION. SHE WAS TRYING, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T DO THAT.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
MY MOTHER’S FAMILY ALL LIVE BACK IN MEXICO, AND I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW DIFFERENT THE STATE OF THE COUNTRY IS FROM THERE TO HERE. I WILL NEVER SAY THAT I HATE AMERICA, OR THAT I’M NOT HAPPY HERE, BUT I CAN’T PRETEND THAT THERE’S NOT A LOT OF IMPROVEMENT THAT WE NEED TO SEE TOO. A LOT OF THINGS NEED TO GET BETTER IN AMERICA IN ORDER FOR IT TO GROW TO ITS FULL POTENTIAL AS A NATION STILL.
DR KUVAAR:
I DON’T THINK ANYONE COULD’VE PUT IT BETTER, SANTIAGO. THERE’S A LOT OF TO BE GRATEFUL FOR IN THIS COUNTRY, BUT WE CAN’T DENY THAT THERE ARE STILL MANY PROBLEMS TOO. I AM GLAD THAT YOU CARE ABOUT IT, THOUGH. THIS GRIEF GROUP IS VERY SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS. YOU ALL HAVE SUCH PASSION AND POWER TO CHANGE THE WORLD.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
SOMEONE HAS TO BE. TOO MANY POLITICIANS ARE CORRUPT AND SELFISH ANYMORE. IF WE DON’T CARE ABOUT OUR FUTURE, WHO WILL?
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
EXACTLY.
DR KUVAAR:
I’M GLAD TO HEAR THAT, CAROLINE, AND YOU’RE COMPLETELY RIGHT. AND, AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO CONTINUE TALKING WITH YOU, OUR TIME IS UP. YOU CAN ALWAYS CONTACT ME IF YOU NEED ME, EVEN IF YOU’RE AT HOME WITH YOUR FAMILY, VISITING WITH FRIENDS, OR SITTING ALONE IN YOUR DORM. EVEN ON HOLIDAYS, I’M HERE FOR YOU.
da da da da daya daa – the next chapter is up ❤
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