GRIEF GROUP TRANSCRIPT
SESSION 10
DATE: 11/10/2014
TIME: 06:30 P.M.
TOTAL IN ATTENDANCE:
13 ATTENDEES, 16 REGISTERED FOR ATTENDANCE
DURATION OF MEETING:
60 MINUTES OUT OF THE MINIMUM 60 MINUTES REQUIRED
*BEGIN*
DR KUVAAR:
SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT NATHANIEL AND CASSIDY ARE GONE TODAY.
PATIENT 911:
I MEAN, YEAH, WE NOTICED, BUT I DON’T THINK ANYONE QUESTIONED IT TOO MUCH.
PATIENT 621:
WE BOTH WOULD’VE QUESTIONED IT EVENTUALLY.
PATIENT 911:
I WOULDN’T HAVE ASKED HER.
DR KUVAAR:
CASSIDY AND NATHANIEL MADE SEPARATE DECISIONS TO LEAVE GRIEF GROUP SINCE OUR LAST MEETING. NORMALLY WE WOULD HAVE A CEREMONY OR A LITTLE DINNER PARTY, BUT THEY REQUESTED, UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, THAT WE FORGO THE FESTIVITIES.
PATIENT 621:
CAN YOU BLAME THEM?
DR KUVAAR:
I CERTAINLY UNDERSTAND THE REASONING BEHIND THEIR INDIVIDUAL DECLINES. HOWEVER, I DO BELIEVE THAT IT IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF HEALING. IT GIVES YOU CLOSURE.
PATIENT 911:
I DON’T THINK THAT NATE AND CASSIDY REALLY WANTED CLOSURE FROM THIS. HONESTLY, THEY’VE SEEMED REALLY WELL ADJUSTED FOR THE MOST PART.
DR KUVAAR:
IN MANY CASES, PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN GRIEVING FOR A LONG TIME CAN OFTEN APPEAR AS THOUGH THEY HAVE OVERCOME THE GREAT SADNESS THEY SUFFERED. HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE MANAGES TO SMILE WHEN YOU WOULD HAVE RATHERED TO CRY?
PATIENT 621:
IF THERE’S ANYONE THAT DOESN’T RAISE THEIR HAND IN THE ROOM, THAT PERSON IS A LIAR.
PATIENT 911:
YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THAT KIND OF THING OUT LOUD, SANTIAGO. IT’S IMPOLITE.
DR KUVAAR:
UNFORTUNATELY, IT IS TRUE. MY QUESTION WAS MORE RHETORICAL AND LITERAL.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
PEOPLE SEND THEIR PRAYERS AND THEIR CONDOLENCES. THEY SEND THEIR MEAL TRAINS AND THEIR FLOWERS. IT IS NON-STOP AND NEVER-ENDING. EVERY TIME YOU HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE WHAT’S HAPPENED THE WHOLE CYCLE REPEATS AGAIN TO SOME DEGREE. IT EITHER PISSES YOU OFF OR IT MAKES YOU VERY SAD, AND MOST DAYS YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHICH ONE IT’LL BE.
PATIENT 921:
SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING HAS BEEN BOTHERING YOU.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
EVERYTHING BOTHERS ME ON MOST DAYS, CAROLINE.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
AND DON’T I KNOW IT.
DR KUVAAR:
HAS ANYONE ELSE BEEN FEELING IRRITATED WITH THE CONDOLENCES THEY’VE RECEIVED?
PATIENT 1108:
I GOT A TON OF THEM. PEOPLE THAT HAVE NEVER GIVEN ME PRESENTS FOR MY BIRTHDAY CAME OUT OF THE WOODWORK LAST WEEK TO “MAKE UP FOR HER LOSS.”
PATIENT 1108 USED FINGERS TO MAKE AIR QUOTATIONS WHEN SAYING ‘MAKE UP FOR HER LOSS’
PATIENT 417:
IT DEFINITELY DID NOT HELP.
DR KUVAAR:
HOW DID YOU CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY, KELLER?
PATIENT 417:
I CAN’T IMAGINE HE REMEMBERS HOW HE CELEBRATED.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
I’VE THANKED YOU. I’VE OFFERED YOU MONEY. I’VE OFFERED TO HAVE YOUR CAR DETAILED. I ASKED YOU FOR FORGIVENESS. I ASKED YOU FOR DINNER. I DID NOT ASK YOU TO PATRONIZE ME IN FRONT OF THE GROUP.
PATIENT 417:
YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY DONE ALL OF THOSE THINGS, KELLER, BUT IT DOESN’T CHANGE THE REALITY THAT YOU DRANK YOURSELF STUPID FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT. YOU WEREN’T EVEN HAPPY DRINKING WITH YOUR FRIENDS. IT TOOK ME HANDCUFFING YOU TO MY CLOSET DOOR TO KEEP YOU FROM RUNNING OFF AGAIN.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
HAVE YOU HAD YOUR FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER YET? YOU WERE TEARY EYED ON HALLOWEEN AND THAT’S NOT EVEN A BIG HOLIDAY. HOW DO YOU THINK YOU’LL FEEL IN TWO WEEKS ON THANKSGIVING DAY? OR ON CHRISTMAS?
DR KUVAAR:
YOU’VE DONE THIS BEFORE, KELLER. YOU CALLED EMERY AFTER YOU’D GOTTEN DRUNK AT A CLUB, CORRECT?
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
YES. SHE GOT DRUNK TOO AND WE WOKE UP IN HER CAR.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
BUT NEITHER OF US WENT ON DRINKING AFTER THAT. THIS TIME YOU JUST CARRIED ON AND ON. I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE THE MISTAKE OF LETTING YOU GO HOME THE FRIDAY NIGHT.
DR KUVAAR:
HOW WERE YOU TO KNOW THAT HE WOULD CONTINUE DRINKING?
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
I DIDN’T, BUT I SHOULD’VE GUESSED. HE TOLD ME THAT HE WAS VERY ANGRY ABOUT ALL OF THE CONDOLENCES AND DISTANT FAMILY MEMBERS THAT DIDN’T CARE ABOUT HIM WHEN HE WAS IN FOSTER CARE SENDING HIM GIFT CARDS AND MONEY.
DR KUVAAR:
HIS CHOICES ARE NOT YOUR CONSEQUENCES.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
GOOD LUCK GETTING HER TO BELIEVE THAT. I ASKED HER TO LET ME GO ON SUNDAY AND SHE REFUSED. KEPT ME THERE UNTIL SHE GOT AHOLD OF MY ROOMMATE TO COME PICK ME UP. THAT WAS A WHOLE MESS, TOO, HAVING TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO HIM.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
BUT HE’S GOING TO BE WATCHING YOU TOO. SO WHO REALLY WINS THIS FIGHT?
DR KUVAAR:
IT SHOULDN’T BE A COMPETITION.
PATIENT 401:
IF I MAY INTERJECT –
PATIENT 417 (EMERY), INTERRUPTING PATIENT 401:
PLEASE DON’T.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
YES. PLEASE DON’T.
DR KUVAAR:
KELLER, IF DRINKING IS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM, WE MAY NEED TO CONSIDER AN ALTERNATIVE FORM OF THERAPY?
PATIENT 822:
ARE YOU ALLOWED TO SAY THAT TO THE GROUP?
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
I DON’T CARE WHAT SHE SAYS TO THE GROUP. IF SHE THINKS I NEED TO ATTEND ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, THAT’S HER OPINION. OF COURSE, MINE IS THAT IT’S A WASTE OF TIME. I’M NOT ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL SO THERE’S NO REASON FOR ME TO GO.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
NO, NO, OF COURSE, YOU’RE NOT. YOU’RE ADDICTED TO SELF-DESTRUCTION AND ISOLATION. YOU AREN’T ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL. YOU’RE JUST ADDICTED TO MAKING YOURSELF FEEL EVEN WORSE THAN YOU ALREADY FEEL. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION IF YOU’RE NOT SAD BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN MADE TO FEEL HALF ALIVE FOR MOST OF YOUR LIFE!
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
HOW DARE YOU.
DR KUVAAR:
HAS EMERY UPSET YOU, KELLER?
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
I THINK IT’S PRETTY CLEAR THAT SHE OFFENDED HIM, DOC.
DR KUVAAR:
ALLOW ME TO AMEND MY QUESTION, THEN. WHAT HAS EMERY SAID SPECIFICALLY THAT IS UPSETTING YOU?
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
SHE IS TELLING ME THAT I’M CHOOSING TO BE ANGRY ABOUT THE WAY MY CHILDHOOD TURNED OUT LIKE I CHOSE IT.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE HEARING. I’M SAYING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING FOR SO LONG WHILE ANGRY THAT YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE ANYTHING BUT ANGRY. THAT’S WHY IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE HANDLING YOUR GRIEF SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
FORGIVE ME FOR BEING PRETTY FUCKING PISSED OFF ABOUT BEING IN FOSTER CARE MOST OF MY GODDAMN LIFE! MY MOTHER DIED WHEN I WAS A BABY, AND MY DAD WAS BEATING THE SHIT OF MY BROTHER AND ME WHEN WE WERE TOO YOUNG TO REALIZE THAT OTHER KIDS DIDN’T HAVE DISHES THROWN AT THEM FOR CRYING WHEN THEY GOT HURT. FORGIVE ME FOR BEING FURIOUS BEYOND WORDS THAT MY FAMILY THAT DIDN’T WANT US WHEN THE STATE NEEDED TO SEND US SOMEWHERE WHEN THEY FINALLY TOOK US AWAY FROM MY DAD. FORGIVE ME FOR WANTING TO DRINK AWAY THE ENTIRE WEEKEND AND FORGET THAT MY BIRTHDAY EVEN HAPPENED. THE ONLY GODDAMN PERSON THAT GAVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT MY WELL-BEING WAS MY BROTHER AND HE’S BEEN FUCKING MURDERED BY THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.
DR KUVAAR:
KELLER, I THINK YOU NEED TO COOL DOWN. LET’S TAKE A CALMING BREAK IN MY OFFICE. COULD WE DO THAT?
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
YOU’RE DAMN FOOL IF YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT YOU’RE ALONE IN THIS. WE COULD HAVE GONE TO MY PARENT’S HOUSE AND DRANK IN THE BASEMENT AND WATCHED COMEDY ACTS ALL NIGHT AND DAY. WE COULD’VE ATE GREASY FOOD AND BINGED ON PIZZA. WE COULD’VE DONE LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE. I’M HERE FOR YOU, WHICH YOU SOMEHOW SEEM TO KEEP FORGETTING.
PATIENT 1108 (KELLER):
I NEVER ASKED YOU TO BE HERE.
DR KUVAAR:
I’M AFRAID I’M NOT ASKING ANYMORE. KELLER, WE ARE GOING TO MY OFFICE FOR A CALMING BREAK RIGHT NOW. YOU NEED TO DO A SOOTHING ACTIVITY TO DE-ESCALATE.
PATIENT 417 (EMERY):
I’M LEAVING. I’VE GOT HOMEWORK TO DO ANYWAY.
PATIENT 417 LEAVES THE GROUP SESSION
PATIENT 1108 GETS UP AND BEGINS WALKING TO THE HALLWAY
** BRIEF UNSTRUCTURED BREAK FROM 6:55-7:10 **
DR KUVAAR:
THANK YOU FOR STAYING AND BEING PATIENT. YOUR UNDERSTANDING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAT I COULD EVER SAY.
PATIENT 822:
IT’S COOL, DOC. IS KELLER DOING OKAY?
DR KUVAAR:
I DON’T KNOW.
PATIENT 401:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HOW CAN’T YOU KNOW?
DR KUVAAR:
HE WAS IN MY OFFICE BUT WHILE I WAS TRYING TO GET HIM SET UP WITH THE SANDBOX HE ENDED UP LEAVING. I TRIED CALLING HIM BUT HE DIDN’T ANSWER.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
AND?
DR KUVAAR:
I’VE NOTIFIED HIS DEPARTMENT HEAD AND EMERY THAT HE HAS LEFT GROUP.
PATIENT 822:
ARE YOU ALLOWED TO DO THAT?
DR KUVAAR:
TECHNICALLY, NO. I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BREACH PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY UNLESS REQUIRED BY COURT ORDER, TO TRANSFER FILES TO A NEW MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL, OR IN THE EVENT THAT MY PATIENT’S LIFE IS IN DANGER.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
AND YOU DON’T THINK HIS LIFE IS IN DANGER?
PATIENT 401:
IT’S NOT.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
YOU SEEM VERY SURE.
PATIENT 401:
HE’S BEEN OPENING UP TO EMERY. I BELIEVE HE’LL END UP CALLING HER OR SHOWING UP AT HER DORM.
DR KUVAAR:
IN ANY CASE, I WANTED HIS SUPPORT SYSTEM TO BE MINDFUL THAT HE IS FRAGILE AND EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW. IF THERE’S ANYTHING THAT THEY CAN DO TO HELP HIM, THEN IT COULD END UP SAVING HIS LIFE IN THE EVENT THAT I’VE MISCALCULATED.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
SO YOU CARE ABOUT OUR LIVES AFTER ALL.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
EXCUSE YOU.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
THIS IS JUST LIKE WITH HANNAH. SHE HAS TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THE LIVES THAT SHE COULD BE LETTING GO WHEN HER PATIENTS LEAVE AND DIE BECAUSE SHE COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO FIGHT AGAINST THE SYSTEM.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE PAST THIS. WE TALKED ABOUT THIS ALREADY AND DETERMINED THAT SHE’S DOING HER JOB THE BEST THAT SHE CAN. WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THIS UP AGAIN?
DR KUVAAR:
BECAUSE HE’S ANGRY AT ME.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
HELL YES, I AM. SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE ANGRY AT YOU FOR NOT DOING YOUR JOB. IF THEY FORGET TO BE UPSET, FINE, BUT I WON’T. OUR JOB AS DOCTORS IS TO KEEP OUR PATIENTS HEALTHY AND ALIVE.
DR KUVAAR:
YOU ARE COMPLETELY CORRECT, BUT MY JOB IS LESS STRAIGHT FORWARD THAN YOURS IS MISTER RIVIERA. BEING A NEUROLOGIST IS MORE SCIENTIFIC AND PREDICTABLE. YOUR SCIENCE CAN BE MEASURED WITH NUMBERS AND FORMULAS AND SYSTEMS AND CONSISTENT FACTS. IN NEUROLOGY, THERE IS A BRAIN AND IT LOOKS A CERTAIN WAY AND WORKS IN A CERTAIN WAY, BUT THAT IS NOT TRUE WITH EMOTIONS.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
PSYCHIATRY AND PSYCHOLOGY ARE SCIENCES TOO. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO CALCULATE AND USE MATMETICS TO MAKE INFORMED DECISIONS.
DR KUVAAR:
AND I DO. BUT I CANNOT CALCULATE WITH NUMBERS OR USE BEHAVIOR PATTERNS TO INDICATE WHEN SOMEONE WILL DEVIATE FROM THE NORM. I STUDY YOUR EVERY MOVEMENT, YOUR EVERY BREATH, AND I TAKE NOTES ON EACH AND EVERY PERSON IN THIS ROOM FOR AN HOUR SO THAT WHEN THE DAY COMES THAT I SEE SOMETHING DIFFERENT, I CAN SILENTLY ASSESS THE CONCERN LEVEL OF THAT CHANGE. MY WORK IN GRIEF GROUP, MY WORK AS A PSYCHIATRIST, REQUIRES SOMETHING VERY DIFFERENT FROM ME THAT YOUR FIELD OF WORK WILL REQUIRE OF YOU.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
YOU CAN’T EXPECT HER TO KNOW WHEN EACH PERSON WHO COMES TO SEE HER HAVE DECIDED TO KILL THEMSELVES OR PUT THEMSELVES IN DANGEROUS SCENARIOS THAT WOULD COMPROMISE THEIR LIVES. ASKING HER TO BE PERFECT AND NEVER HAVE A PATIENT DO SOMETHING THAT TOOK THEIR LIVES IS UNREALISTIC.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
WHY ARE YOU A DOCTOR? WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO DO THIS? YOU ARE BREAKING PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY. YOU ARE LETTING THE PATIENTS RUN THE GRIEF GROUP CONVERSATION. YOU APPARENTLY DON’T HAVE A SAY ON WHETHER OR NOT YOUR PATIENTS GET THE TREATMENT THEY NEED AND DESERVE. WHY BECOME A DOCTOR THEN?
DR KUVAAR:
I’M SORRY THAT YOU FEEL THIS WAY, SANTIAGO, AND I WISH YOU COULD SEE WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT WHEN I SAY THAT MY JOB ISN’T AS EASILY CALCULATED AS EVERYONE WISHES IT TO BE.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
I HOPE THAT KELLER GETS IN CONTACT WITH SOMEONE AND CHOOSES TO GO HOME SOBER TONIGHT.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
YOU OWE DOCTOR KUVAAR AN APOLOGY.
PATIENT 822:
EVEN I THINK YOU’RE BEING A BIT HARSH, BROTHER.
PATIENT 911 (CAROLINE):
WE’RE NOT EATING DINNER UNTIL SHE TELLS ME THAT YOU’VE APOLOGIZED.
PATIENT 621 (SANTIAGO):
I’M NOT APOLOGIZING UNTIL SHE TELLS ME HOW SHE’S GOING TO MAKE A CHANGE SO THAT THERE’S LESS LEFT TO CHANCE WITH HER PATIENTS.
DR KUVAAR:
IT HAS BEEN A VERY INTENSE AND EMOTIONAL NIGHT. I’M VERY SORRY THAT SO FEW OF YOU WERE ABLE TO SPEAK TONIGHT. WE ARE ALREADY OUT OF TIME, BUT I’M ALWAYS AVAILABLE FOR A SMALLER GROUP SESSION, OR MEETINGS WITH PARTNER SETS IF THAT WORKS BETTER. ANYTIME YOU NEED ME SIMPLY CALL. I’M ALWAYS AVAILABLE TO CARE FOR YOU. FOR NOW, OUR MEETING IS ADJOURNED.
The next chapter is ready for you ❤
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