I bet you’re thinking this is going to be a post about motherhood – HAH! Wrong! This is more of a general post about how children as such an important group of people that we really need to pay more attention to in our lives. I’ve decided as I type this sentence I’m going to write this post in a list format – so that’s another gift.
1. They can love unconditionally, even when they absolutely hate you.
I’ve been officially working with children as a job for three years (I’ll be starting my fourth school year this year). Before that, I have been working with children in some capacity since my son’s birth. So, besides my 11 years of parenting experience with children, I have 11 years of experience working with children in a lot of different ways.
And I’ve learned that even when you punish a kid, even when they are screaming that they hate you, even when they are saying that they hope you die – these kids love you. Whether it’s in a classroom, at a camp, or on a sports field, kids may be attacking your heart with their harsh words – but the last thing they really want to do is leave. It is not uncommon for children to meltdown and emotional outbursts in places where they feel safe enough to do so. This isn’t true for everyone, but that doesn’t change the truth.
I’ve had children in trouble in front of me, arguing with me with tears in their eyes because they don’t want me to think less of them or change my feelings about them. They’re still being naughty right there where I can see everything, but those same kids with hug me while they complain about my decision to give a punishment. It happens all the time, and I watch it with other kids with parents and teachers and coaches.
2. They want to understand – even if they don’t want to learn.
I work with IEP learners and I work at a camp where we have an inclusion program for disabled dependents and high behavioral/emotional support needs. I’ve seen kids of all different education levels and cognitive abilities all ask questions about things that most adults wouldn’t ask for fear of being slight, unkind, or something much worse. Kids do not have that inhibition to the level that adults do, and they’re hungry to be smart like the adults they look up to in their lives. The kids I work with are always asking questions about physical disabilities, behavioral issues, and differences in appearances. “Why does that baby already have a walker?” “How come she has silver teeth?” “Is there something wrong with the man’s face?” “Do people who can use their body have fun in the pool?” These are just some of the questions that have come up, and they listen so well when I offer answers or explanations to the best of my ability. Adults could benefit from this level of attentiveness. Whenever a question like this comes up, I am reminded to give my full attention when I’m curious about something because if it mattered enough to ask – it matters enough to listen.
3. They enjoy the little things way more than we do as adults.
As adults, we always say to friends and family – and even children! – “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” Or at least it’s something to that effect. Kids aren’t always the most appreciative or careful with things, not by a long shot, but they enjoy the little things we tell everyone around us to enjoy. “It’s the little things.” Kids live by the motto.
Kids love the tiniest of things. It’s always unexpected – it’s always silly. From camp thing year, I am pretty sure one of the most memorable things that they’re going to take home from this summer is our Rock, Paper, Scissors war – an idea I picked up in a sixth-grade classroom last year. The kids love “de-throning” each other as the champion. Sometimes we go a week without playing, other days we do it as many as five times! No matter what, though, I know that these kids love it.
I’ve watched other teachers do things like stop teaching and make the kids take deep breaths, which made such a big impact on their learning. They came to ASK for those deep breath breaks. They would be the first to notice the impact of not having it. How often as adults do we forget to breathe and brush it off.
Sometimes all you need to do with children smile at them or laugh with them. Nothing levels you as an adult as much as when a kid says, “I really like it when you laugh because it makes me feel happy.” Kids legitimately live for the little things as much as the bigs things.
4. They’re not afraid to say what they mean and feel.
I would never say to someone that they’ve hurt my feelings unless it was something significant in my life. Too often as adults, we become passive-aggressive and complicit in the things that make us unhappy or frustrated. I know for me, personally, it’s because I work with these people and respect them dearly. We’re all imperfect, which is a concept that silences me. I pick my battles and complaints and focus on the biggest ones.
Children are not at all like that. They will tell you that someone stinks. They will tell you that you look sick or tired. They will tell you that you’re being mean. They will say that they don’t like someone as their friend anymore. It’s wild and harsh and so so so important! Do you know how ridiculously easy it can be to talk to a fourth-grader who is mad that their best friend is playing with someone else?
Child: I’m mad at her because she’s playing with new friends that don’t like me. Adult: Did you ask to play nicely? Other child: Yes, but she’s too bossy and nobody likes it when she makes all the rules. I want to have a break from her to play with my new friends. Adult: That makes sense, but your friend’s feelings are hurt. Have you talked to her about the fact that she’s being too bossy. Child: Yes, but I don’t know how to not be bossy. Adult: So maybe a break is a good idea. Plus, if her new friends don’t like you, why do you want to hang out with them? You could find people that will be nice to you instead and have more fun. Other child: I will play with you tomorrow. It’s just one day. Child: I guess that would be okay. Play tomorrow? Other child: I promise! Child: Okay!
That might seem like a made-up conversation – way too easy to be a chat with a child? WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!!! This is a conversation I’ve had so many times I’ve lost count. Kids don’t always want to be told how to solve a problem – they just want you to know how they feel so that they can move on.
Why aren’t we doing that as adults more often? Why are we so afraid to be transparent? I wish I knew so I could kick that habit to the curb.
5. They are reflections of their environments.
Children are mirrors. They will act the way that they see you acting. They want to be like the people that make them feel good. That’s why being the good in the world we wish to see is so important. Children see you all over the place, whether or not you want them to, and they will remember what they see you doing. You might just be “that girl at the mall who danced like that” to the child’s favorite song or the “boy at the pool did it too” when he was trying to be funny – but you will be something.
As much that sucks to hear, but when working with children look to be the example. I promise that it will bring out the best in you – if you let the thought really settle in your mind and in your heart that children are gifts.
I’m not saying you have to work with kids, have kids, or even like kids.
But there’s so much to take in from this large chunk of our population.
After all, they’re your neighbors in the world too.
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