Title: The Four Agreements
Author: Don Miguel Ruiz, with Janet Mills
Publisher: Amber Allen Publishing
Published: 1997
Genre: Self-Help, Mental Health, Spirituality
Pages: 138 (Physical copy, paperback)
Read Time: N/A
.:: Author Summary ::.
In "The Four Agreements," bestselling author don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love.
.:: Personal Summary ::.
This self-help guide addresses your poor mental health in a direct and simple way that aids in changing the way you think so that you can become a better version of who you want to be.
.:: Overall Rating ::.
~ 2 out of 5 ~
I will start my review by saying I quit reading this book because I could not make myself finish it. As a reader, it takes a lot for me to quit a book. There are only three books I can recall quitting because I couldn't stand the story or the writing. Once was because the story was focusing on a detail in the story that never came to be anything of importance. It was wasted word count and it enraged me so much that I have re-started and re-quit the book on four difference occasions. It saddens me because I recommended the series to so many people and now I haven't even finished it because it bothers me deeply that the reader has to keep living through this meaningless element of the story. The other book was just boring and ridiculous and the main character and the love interest were some of the most boring and unlikable characters I've ever read. Of all the classics I've read, this one was just the hardest to get through. And then there's this one.
"The Four Agreements" was so repetitive in the 46 pages I did read that I had to re-read to make sure I wasn't losing my mind. There were whole paragraphs where the sentences were just slightly varied statements of the same thought. While distractions are plentiful in my life, when I'm reading it is very easy for my to tune out and sink in, but I did not have that experience with this book. It was very upsetting since this book came highly recommended. I could not get past how in 46 pages I felt like I'd only acquired perhaps maybe 5 pages of information. I spent more time complaining about the book than reading it, and after trying to reading it for 2.5 week, I had to call it because I was losing valuable time that I could have - and should have - been reading other books.
Another thing that really just irritated me about this text was that the cover of the book says "A Toltec Wisdom Book" but this felt so much more like a Christian/Catholic faith based text. I didn't know what 'toltec' meant before I read and quit the book, and looking it up kind of made me sad since this was supposed to be a a culture of "men and women of knowledge." Knowledge does not inherently connect to faith or religion. The two are not mutually exclusive, and yet reading this book reminded me that in the minds of many during the time - they were. Unfortunately, there are still many parts of the world that believe knowledge and faith belong together. That is a huge "no" for me, and while I have been able to read religion-based texts in the past successfully, it was too looming in this one for me to continue. That, and that one part where it literally suggests that we can will cancer to develop in our bodies just by thinking it. I'm not even lying about that (Page 29, first paragraph on the page):
"We cast spells all the time with our opinions. An example: I see a friend and give him an opinion that just popping into my mind. I say, "Hmmm! I see that kind of colori n your face in people who are going to get cancer." If he listens to the word, and if he agrees, he will have cancer in less than on year. That is the power of the word."
Real quote, that is...
I know that to some, 1997 is so long ago and an unimaginable era of life, but I was alive then. It's a part of my life that I deleted from my brain (yes, I am in fact a broken apart traumatized twenty-something), but I do remember some things for those late 1990s. For example, there was music from female artists that really started to push the boundaries of sexuality and empowerment in the self. More latinx artists were emerging on the scene, as well as a number of artists of color who were making pop bops that really paved the way for 2000s era artists who are still forces to be reckoned with today. There was this major shift in music and entertainment that really started to feature 'aha' moments where the artist or character gains a realization that makes them wiser in some way. It was definitely the era of the "after school special" type entertainment. I can see why a text like this would've gained traction and become popular. There needed to be something to replace the "Dummies" series of books, after all, as far as literature self-help was concerned.
But some things are best left in the past and regarded as a foundational piece of work. it kind of bothers me that this text is still so relevant when I know for a fact that there's better options that are more founded in science and also more helpful to the type of world that we're living in in the 2020s, over twenty-five years later. Too much is different now - social media, diversity in religion, medical and psychiatric sciences are more developed, etc. This work has some good points, and I'll talk about those later, but it wasn't strong enough to keep me interested and it's not good enough to keep this one around.
.:: Technical Writing ::.
~ 3 out of 5 ~
I want to keep this section brief for two reasons. One, because this gentleman has his texts published in Spanish as well, so I want to be considerate of the fact that he was presumable bilingual. Without knowing what language he learned first and grew up hearing, knowing multiple languages can and does impact your speech pattern. This will translate into your writing as well, and so I don't want to ding anything that may be a side effect of something that is really valuable and tricky at times. The second reason I want to keep this section short and to the point is because it was so repetitive that I didn't have much to judge it. I want to avoid being repetitive in the same way.
I will say something that was really great about the writing is that it was not super fancy. You know the type of writing I'm talking about - frilly details that you forget in just a few breaths, excessive explanations that aren't relevant, extremely large vocabulary that you have to look up because the context doesn't make it clear. Yeah, this text is not that. The reading itself was so simple that I feel comfortable saying the grade-level reader at an age as young as 10 could probably read and understand the majority of what was being said in this text. It's not a difficult read. It's also conversational in it's tone, so for the types of readers who like to feel like they're reading a text message from their friends are going to like how this one feels in their brain as they digest it. For those two specific reasons, the writing from a technical aspect isn't bad, but the massive repetition really kept it from being a higher rating because it was so disruptive to the flow.
.:: Creative Content ::.
~ 3.5 out of 5 ~
I struggled giving the actual rating for the section because I know that in 1997, this would've been majorly progressive and brilliant. Psychology and Psychiatry was very young and unclear in a number of ways. In 2021, there's still so much changing in the mental health arena that studies from the 1990 are almost archaic compared to what we've learned even jsut five years ago. At the time this was published, it most definitely was a brand new concept, and people would've been truly impacted by the intellectual impact it would've had on those looking into this type of reading. However, compared to it's modern day competitors in the same arena, there are better reads and better programs that do better work for the type of world we live in today. Not to mention, this book relies very heavily on faith to make its points clear and drive them home. Realistically, the people looking for a self-help book like this aren't all going to want to be involved with religion. Now more than ever we're learning about the trauma unchecked religion can cause in the lives of millions of people around the world.
There needs to be emphasis on neutral options that teach the same skills that are vaguely addressed in "The Four Agreements" but in a more culturally relevant manner. For example, "Cognitive-Behavioral Social Skills Training for Schizophrenia: A Practical Treatment Guide," is now utilized for serious mental illness for adults and is in the process of being researched for use in mental health therapy for teenagers. It was researched in the years leading up to its publication and implementation in the mental health industry in 2016. I focuses much more on the actions of the self and helps teach skills needed to take back control of the mind. I've seen firsthand as a mental health service professional what this can do - and do well without the connection to religion in any way. The skills of this text are called CBSST skills and will be timeless because of how specific the topics are to the healing process, but also because of how fundamental the skills are to our mental health too. It focuses on what we can do with our mind rather than what our mind can do with us, which really is the message I received from what I did read of this book. The mind is powerful and it can manifest physical symptomology when it is very ill, but it does not have the power to create cancer or cure it inepdently from any other factors. Our brains are strong and brilliant and magnificant, but they are not that powerful, no matter how hard this text tries to convince me otherwise.
.:: Recommendation Rating ::.
~ 0 out of 5 ~
I will not be suggesting anyone else to read this book. There are more modern, more helpful, and more neutral options out there that will do a better job of teaching the self-help skills and giving you the wisdom that you need in order to better yourself. Considering I read this book very specifically with the topic of self-love and self-care in mind, I felt like I betrayed myself in trying to keep at this text. It went against the theme and against my inclination to better who I am by investing in knowledge and wisdom that comes from text. This book did make some good points. Which, I will explain here beacuse it feels like the only place where it makes sense.
This book calls thoughts we have about ourselves and our lives "agreements." These "agreements" define what kind of life we are living and how we value ourselves in that life. It uses the example of thinking yourself stupid. If you think you are stupid and you make comments that you are stupid, you are re-enforcing the idea that you are stupid but you are also planting the idea in others' heads that you are stupid. They will later develop an "agreement" in their minds about you being stupid, and will also eventually reaffirm that "agreement" in your mind too. If you expect your life to be a certain way, such as linearly successful, then you will measure your progression against that trajectory and call that linear success an "agreement." Anything that doesn't meet the "agreement" of success in your mind is automatically categorized as a failure, even though your "agreement" is based on a general presentation of success rather than a success defined by yourself. Now, I'm sure as you're reading this it seems a bit confusing. So now let me explain in terms that make more sense to you and I in the 2020s.
This book talks about the thoughts we have about ourselves and where we fit into the grander picture of the world. These thoughts dictate who we are and how we interact with the world around us. For example, if you think that you are stupid compared to your peers and others around you, there is a good chance that you will do things and say things that reflect that thought. Reptetion is a common way to memorize and learn things, so those who hear you saying those types of things and making those types of mistakes that you are deeming "stupid" will eventually agree that you are stupid. They will even start affirming it back to you because of the establishment that you think that and they have seen/heard evidence of it as a truth. Also, if you expect to have a linear success that is very common or is expected for the majority of people, and then you do not achieve that same path of success, you feel like a failure in comparison. Feeling like a failure reaffirms feeling stupid, even though the idea of success was not developed in the mind of the person and instead copied from a common place expectation.
I am not here to challenge the validity of the four agreements outlined in this book (1, Be impeccable with your word; 2, Don't take anything personally; 3, Don't make assumptions; 4, Always do your best). When you get past all the unnecessary repetitive and awkward explanations that get muddied and difficult to follow, there are good concepts here. I totally agree that we become the thoughts we have about ourselves. If we think we are an inconvenience to another person, we will keep our mouthes shut or allow ourselves to be inconvniened for their comfort. If we think we don't deserve to be treated with love and respect, we will accept unhealthy relationships in our life. My issue with this book is how often that it brings religion back around to the concept, the prayer section at the end of the book that made me want to gag with disappointment, and how it tried to make it sound more complex than it needed to be by complicating the terminology used and repeating things so many times it loses it's clarity.
At the end of the day, if I can't finish the book myself - why would I tell someone else to read it? There are better options and that's all there is to it. Find one of those and read it instead.